I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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