just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
