i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
