Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
