I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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