so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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