Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
