so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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