doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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