We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
