I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
