Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
