Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize