I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
