He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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