I want to stick my p in your. b.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
