omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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