Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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