I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
