we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
