why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize