you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
