I wish I only lived at night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
