is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
