I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
