My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
