So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize