So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
