If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
