Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
