I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
