Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
