If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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