did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize