no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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