dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
