Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
