i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
