quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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