We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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