I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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