She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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