is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
