I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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