Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
