I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
