She is in my trunk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
