i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
