READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
