I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
