I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
