when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
