I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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