I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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