I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's the barista slut.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
