I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
