Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize