he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just blew my weed a kiss
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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