I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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