You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
