i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
