He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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