My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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