Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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