I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
