why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The best revenge is premature balding
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
