i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
