I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
