i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
