If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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