i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She bit a glass in half.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
