I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
