I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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