Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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