I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
