11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
