He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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