dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
